Saturday, May 2, 2009

Forever Young




Today is my brother Scott's birthday. He should be turning 50. But he will never see 50. I'm so angry at him. He always did everything first. He forged the way so I didn't have to. Now I will have to be the first one to turn 50. I'm angry that I can't tease him about what an old man he is. I'm angry that I can't see him. I want to call him and yell at him. I'm so mad that he won't be here for his boys graduations, mission farewells, weddings, and no one will call him Grandpa. I miss him. I wish I could dream about him. My mom has dreams about him. She sees him and hears his voice. It makes her cry. I'm jealous. He is having the last laugh. He always could push my buttons.

17 comments:

tawnya said...

Oh, Diane. SO thinking about you!

Lindsey said...

What a unique outlook. I love seeing your outlook on life when you post!

*katie* said...

Brothers can be so frustrating sometimes! Happy Birthday to your brother, I hope you celebrate for him today!

Liz said...

I remember Scott's birthday. I had to wait for him to turn 16 so we could go on a real date! My mom and I picked Scott up at your house, drove to the genealogy library and dropped my mom off, then Scott and I went to a movie. Then back to the library where we had to throw rocks at the window to get my mom's attention because the door was locked. Then back to your house to drop him off. (we may or may not have sat in the parking lot 'talking' for a few minutes before we went to get my mom. Who can remember?) Happy Birthday, Scotty!

Mendenhalls said...

I'll be thinking of you today. Make it a great day for him!

Jennie said...

Man, I am a little teared up for you and Annemarie both. I hope you guys have a good day and remember all the great things about your brother. I know you will

Heather said...

Diane - I love those pictures you posted! It brings me back! Happy Birthday to him!

Gordon & Julie Bird Blog said...

I can relate with you, Diane. My mom lived to be 33 and so every year after that I have lived for both of us.

Maree said...

I'm thinking about you. I hope you celebrate for him in a BIG way. He's probably partying with other relatives and paving the way for you--in a different way (and for a LONG time). It's hard, I know.

Tristan said...

Love you Diane!

Lisa-Marie said...

I would be mad, too.

I'm thinking of you and Anne-Marie.

Jenibelle said...

I know those feelings so well, I am mad that I am an "orphan" and that my parents had the nerve to move to a heavenly address.

Thinking and shedding a few tears for you and AnneMarie

Kim W said...

That was so well written. Big hugs!

Lauren in GA said...

I love the scrapbook pages. Do you scrapbook in addition to all of your other talents?


I really like your approach. I started to cry when I read this...and then I read your closing line...and I thought your outlook was pretty amazing.

I am truly sorry for the loss of your brother.

Robin said...

You are wonderful Diane.

Valerie said...

This post was so tender. It pulled at my heart. I hope the day was also a time to reflect and remember times together.

The Family Johnson said...

Death makes me angry too sometimes!!!